Monday, February 14, 2011

Dear CRTC, This Story is True...

Dear CRTC, This story is, to the best of my knowledge, true. I have it from a reliable source who I shall refrain from naming. 

According to my source, who just happens to be a "Tory Insider", it is a well know fact that all Harper-Con Cabinet Ministers carry black-jacks. 

As the story goes, bands of these thuggish Cabinet Ministers roam the streets of Ottawa late at night, hopped up on Coca-Cola and Aspirin. They look for poor unsuspecting immigrant types to rob and beat senseless. Usually, the targets are old ladies as they are easier to over come and their purses are easy to snatch.

Curiously, when the stolen purses are recovered, no money is taken from them, just makeup.

One night however, a band of such rough and tough Cabinet Ministers came upon an elderly "Sikh" couple. The Neo-thugs swarmed the trembling couple, took out their black-jacks and began beating upon the helpless duo. 

Apparently, in a desperate, last ditch attempt to save his loving wife of 50 years, the old man drew his dull ceremonial Kirpan and brandished it in his bloodied quivering hand. 

Apparently, several of the Cabinet Ministers spontaneously soiled themselves and the gang fled in all directions. 

The old man later revealed to police that: "the air was suddenly filled with the smell of poop". And as the motley crew disappeared into the shadows, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Steven Harper was heard screaming:" Damn you Guergis, this was your idea you bitch"!

It is unknown if the culprits were ever located as the subsequent police report has been heavily redacted.

So as I said CRTC, as per your proposed new rule, I do believe that to the best of my knowledge and in good faith, that this story is true. I have no reason to believe otherwise.

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